How to Talk to Your Child About a Divorce

Getting divorced can be a very emotionally charged experience for you and your spouse. But if you have children, the experience can be even harder. Even when ending the marriage is in the best interest of both of you, your children may not feel the same. Telling them about the divorce can be one of the hardest parts of the process. These conversations are tough, but your Missouri divorce attorney wants to help you keep your children up to date in a way that helps alleviate the stress and strain you all experience. Here are a few tips to help you have that tough conversation.

Have the Initial Conversation Together

If you and your spouse are able to, try to tell your children about the divorce together. This shows that you’re presenting a united front and that both of you agree that ending the marriage is the best move forward. While your children may not understand it, they may take the news better if it comes from both of you. Even better, it may discourage them from blaming one parent for the divorce. 

If you and your spouse are struggling to remain civil around each other, remember that this conversation is for your children, not yourselves. If you absolutely can’t reconcile enough to talk to your kids together, figure out what you want to say and have the conversation individually. Just make sure the explanations you’re giving are consistent to alleviate confusion

Be Mindful of Their Age

Every child is different and has a different understanding of your relationship. As you broach the topic of divorce, consider your child’s age, the things they’ve witnessed, and how much they’ll be able to understand before you have your conversation. Tailor your responses to your child’s unique needs. If you have children of dramatically different ages, you may need to explain things differently to each one. 

Stay Calm During the Conversation

Filing for divorce can be emotionally trying. While it’s normal for your emotions to rise when you’re discussing your divorce, try to be calm when talking about it with your children. Remember, the divorce will impact them too. They’re looking to you to be the guiding and calm force they’ve relied on in the past. 

If you’re worried about your emotions getting the best of you, have a plan in place to help you de-stress after. Meet with a friend, go for a walk, or indulge in your favorite hobby for a little while after telling your children. This can help you let loose without your children witnessing your distress.

Discuss What Life Will Look Like

Every child whose parents are getting divorced will want to know what life will look like once everything is settled. Express that you may not have all the answers yet, but tell them what you can. For example, if you and your spouse are planning on splitting custody, let them know. If one of you will be taking sole or primary custody, convey that as well. The more information you can give them about the future post-divorce, the less stressed your children will likely be. Just be patient and do what you can to answer their questions to the best of your ability. And remember, telling them “I don’t know,” is completely acceptable. 

Let Them Know You Love Them

Some children may blame themselves for your divorce or may be worried that you or your spouse will no longer love them once the divorce is finalized. Tell them that you love them throughout your conversation. Often, hearing those words can be enough to alleviate concern and make your child feel better about the change.

These Conversations Can Be Hard

Having conversations with your children about your divorce can be difficult, but these tips should help you do so with confidence and kindness. And remember, your Missouri divorce attorney is here for you every step of the way. 
If you’re ready to file for divorce, contact us today to schedule a free consultation.